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Miss Peach

Like putting a good belt on a cheap dress

I'm not speaking to Costco

Monday, December 18, 2006

I'm home in California, taking two lovely and blissful weeks off of work, hanging with my parents and catching up with old friends. It's funny coming home--I didn't grow up in this house, or in Orange County, where my parents now live--we lived 45 minutes north of here in Los Angeles, and it's always a little strange to come "home" to this area. I have mixed feelings about it here, which I will undoubtedly post about--along with the fact that I literally swooned in Gelson's (grocery store) about a half hour ago when I saw my first carton of Knudsen's milk (I grew up drinking that, and for some reason, seeing the cartons now make me all nostalgic. How a carton of milk can inspire such deep-seated emotional responses is a little baffling though.)

But there are more important things to address, and by things I mean thing, and by that I mean how Costco totally pissed me off yesterday.

I love warehouse stores. They are awesome. I find the concept of a three-gallon tub of mayonnaise to be disgusting, but, yes, please, hook me up with a flat of bottled water! The toilet paper! The paper towels! Ahhh. It kills me. It's actually almost masochistic for me to go there, because I literally torture myself thinking, "if I didn't live in New York, I could get 85 rolls of toilet paper for around what a 10-pack would run in the city!" And then I get all annoyed I can't take advantage.

My parents frequent the local Costco, and over the years, I have purchased a full set of Henckel knives (yes, a FULL SET) for $120. Seriously. How insane is that? I now have fabulous knives--and all for less than what two would have cost at Williams-Sonoma. Score! That is probably my best buy there, ever, so it's not worth getting into the others. But I've also bought coffeemakers, DVDs, books, printers, and lots of medicine. Advil, Airborne, Delsym... ahh.

So yesterday, my mom needed to run over there for a few things, and never one to miss a chance to score some deals, I accompanied her. Also, I have wanted the DVDs of all three seasons of "Arrested Development" for months now, and I decided that it was time to purchase them. They'd still be pricey, but less so there, and frankly, having access to the Bluths whenever the fancy strikes is kind of priceless, don't you think?

Except COSTCO DOESN'T CARRY THEM. They have the boxed set of the entirety of "The West Wing" (which I loved and, if I had any storage and money to burn, would totally buy). They have the boxed set of "Six Feet Under" too. There were about six thousand copies of "You, Me, and Dupree" and "The DaVinci Code". There were the Bogey boxed sets, and the three-pack romantic comedy sets, and many more beyond that. But no "Arrested Development".

Let me explain why I am so pissed off about this. I understand they can't carry everything. I actually know all about how their merchandising is structured, and how to remain on sale, x units have to move nationally per week, and how the distributions aren't always national. And I can understand that maybe, that's why it wasn't available in ours. Granted, the show is set in Orange County, not far from this particular Costco, but whatever. Fine. I'll accept it.

But that was until I noticed the complete first season of Fox's smash hit show, "Prison Break". And boxed collections of "Northern Exposure". And sets of "One Tree Hill" and "Veronica Mars"--but not "Gilmore Girls". Seriously? What sent me over the edge, though, was the first season of Jennifer Love Hewitt's show "Ghost Whisperer". What the hell? Who is choosing what goes into those stores? Is that show even still on? Does merchandising ever, I don't know, consider what might sell? Also, what is wrong with Fox? Why are they issuing these shows? And why aren't things like "Grey's Anatomy" and "Lost" at Costco?

I'm baffled. Also, their wrapping paper selection blew and they didn't have any socks for women. I did get a set of W.C. Fields DVDs for my dad, as he is a huge fan, so I guess that was nice. But Costco is on notice. If you see him around, can you tell him I'm totally not talking to him? If he's lucky, he'll see me in March, but I can't make any guarantees.

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