Miss Peach

NOTE: This post will conclude all football talk on this blog for this calendar year, and unless a rematch takes place on 1/1/2007, until next year this time.

What happens when I trash-talk?

I get my comeuppance.

Michigan lost by a mere three points, and it was slightly crushing to watch it unfold. Again, I’m not a huge football fan, but I learned enough about the game in high school and college to be able to slip back into talking about it like I actually know what is happening on the field. (Dig a little about things like, oh, what team is ranked #3 in the country, and you’ll find I’m useless). So with my limited knowledge of the game, my feeling is that the officials called a 1st down for TOSU that was not legit—with the naked eye it was pretty clear to me that they didn’t make the yardage. And then they took away a Michigan touchdown for holding, which was wholly legitimate. But I think we got a little, teensy-weensy bit robbed on that 1st down, which led to TOSU scoring, and set us further back.

Regardless, we needed to win, and we didn’t. TOSU outplayed us. Here’s to a rematch on New Year’s Day, when we will (hopefully) crush TOSU once and for all. In a Bowl Game. For the title of BCS Champions. May it shake out to be a rematch!

Since I keep noting that I’m not an actual football fan, it probably seems strange that I get all hyped up about one specific game. Sure, it’s a huge, storied rivalry, but we have huge rivalries with Notre Dame, Michigan State, and Penn State, too, and I don’t really care about those. Why do I care so much about the TOSU game?

Because my pride rides on it.

Years ago, my uncle struck a bet with me, since he (and most of my family) are big TOSU fans. (They can’t help it—they’re from Ohio. And you know what they say about not being able to pick your family.) The terms are this: if Michigan wins, they have to wear a Michigan jersey/hat/etc to Thanksgiving dinner. If Michigan loses, yours truly is bedecked in TOSU paraphenalia.

It’s been a long few years since Michigan last won.

In 2004, I was forced to wear a shirt with Calvin peeing that said in big block letters ANN ARBOR WAS A WHORE and a necklace made of Buckeyes. Luckily, my cousin had just learned to read and started sounding out the shirt (“Annnn Arrrboooor was a wh…”) when I whipped that sucker off, as I had no desire to explain to a six-year-old what a whore was.

Last year, my uncle somehow found a Brutus the Buckeye coon hat. I spent dinner sweating in a furry Buckeye hat that Daniel Boone might have worn, were he a TOSU fan in the age of synthetic materials. That was coupled with a t-shirt that read WOLVERINE TASTES LIKE CHICKEN. For Christmas, I received a lovely frame with a photo of my uncle and me, wearing the hat and shirt.

This year, it’s been suggested that a full-on Brutus the Buckeye ensemble will surface. And by full-on, I mean something akin to what the Brutus mascot wears at the games. If it were any other member of my family threatening this, I’d laugh and consider it a mere joke. But my uncle—well, he’s a little nuts, in a hilarious and extremely loveable way, and I really wouldn’t put it past him. As a friend who has met him a few times said when I told her this year’s proposed ensemble: “The thing is that with Uncle Miss Peach, he could very well have a full Brutus the Buckeye costume ready for you, and tell you to suit up come dinnertime. In fact, I think you’re screwed.”

So this Thursday, I will once again be at the mercy of TOSU fans. The good news is, a cousin on their side of the family bet them that Texas would beat TOSU, and they didn’t, so for once I won’t be the only one at the table. Misery does love company. And wine. Lots of wine.