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Miss Peach

Like putting a good belt on a cheap dress

Tired, and therefore catty

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

I've got some serious blogger block going on here. I'm really busy and therefore just haven't had time to really consider anything aside from where my next cup of coffee is coming from or the fact that I was supposed to [meet someone in the lobby/meet someone at a restaurant/be at the meeting/dial into the conference call/turn in that letter] five to ten minutes ago. It's that kind of mania.

The good news is that I'm not miserable or angry about it all, as this kind of pace tends to result in. I'm somehow finding it all fun. But the side affect seems to be that when I finally get home from work, all I can do is watch bad tv. It's practically an affliction at this point, but it's all my brain can absorb properly (though tonight I seem to be fine watching this, which isn't exactly light viewing). Anyway, my point is that while I realize I'm a little late to the table with this, I just have to comment on last week's Dateline interview with Britney Spears anyway. Because, really. Bad.

Britney, I am here to tell you that it is never appropriate to have your bra hanging out of your shirt on national television. Now that we've established that, let's also note that gaining back America's sympathy and respect NEVER starts with a too-small-in-the-chest shirt with a hot pink bra hanging out and denim mini. And that is if you aren't pregnant. Wearing said ensemble whilst being like 7 months pregnant takes it to a whole other level.

Also, your hair gave away the fact that you are an emotional wreck long before you said you were. It looks like a peroxided rat's nest. And your shoes and jewelry were just no good. I just can't even find the words.

Bottom line: you are far too rich to be running around in said getup. Call your stylist and try to get back on track, please. I feel for you, what with the paparazzi following you around and the media villifying you for being a bad mom, and you not being able to leave the house and all, but I can't take you seriously in that getup. And after Matt told me how much you are worth, it's very clear to me that there's really no excuse. You have a bevy of assistants at your disposal, you can buy any item of clothing you want, and yet you show up to your Dateline interview in that? It is up to YOU to set a good example for the young girls of America, and I have some real concerns about that hairstyle going national.

Speaking of fashion no-nos, I would like to take a page from FWOL's book and comment on a few alarming trends I've been noticing on the streets of NYC of late. So, ladies:
1) If you are a full A-cup or bigger, make no mistake, you really do need a bra. Seriously. It's FINE to wear one of those built in bra tanks or something, but tossing on a loose tank or sundress with no support up there really just isn't appropriate. It makes me want to shake my head, cluck my tongue, and say something like, "did you LOOK in the mirror before leaving home?" Like it or not, your breasts have certain... sexual properties, and nipping out all over town is just really unseemly.
2) If you are a C or D-cup, you ALWAYS need a bra. Lady walking down Broadway on Monday around lunchtime, I SAW your really tight and low cut tank and lack of any sort of fortification, and I'm telling you: you weren't fooling anyone. And you are far to old to plead ignorance. Unacceptable. Especially as I had just eaten.
3) The saying is thus: the HIGHER the hemline, the LOWER the heel. And the LOWER the hemline, the HIGHER the heel. I just feel the need to clarify that, b/c I've been seeing a lot of minis with stiletto heels, so I think you've all got it backwards.

Good god. I truly am turning into my mother. It's only a few months before I start answering calls from her by loudly clearing my throat and trilling, "Bon-swaaaar?"


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