Rachael Ray is Annoying, and Other Day-Off Musings
Monday, February 20, 2006
So, it's Monday, and I have the day off (Happy Birthday, Presidents!) and am appropriately watching crap tv. I hate daytime TV--Judge Judy, soap operas, Regis and Kelly, even Ellen all leave me feeling empty and unfulfilled. (This is surprising, actually, given my deep and abiding love for Lifetime movies, but anyway). Speaking of, Lifetime doesn't start with the movies until 2PM. So I've gone to HGTV and the Food Network for the first part of my day.
The Food Network is running a Rachael Ray marathon. An admission: I cannot stand Rachael Ray. I have many of her cookbooks (get them free through work) but I never look through them, they just sit on a shelf in my office. I find her accent annoying--and normally I really don't mind the long a's at all. I have spent so much of my life in Michigan that I have come to find them endearing and comforting. But Rachael's just gets on my last nerve. I've now watched two episodes of "$40 a Day" and seriously? Her budget tips are so obvious I can't believe she actually got a show with them. "To save money, eat at family-friendly restaurants and don't drink alcohol." Wait, family friendly restaurants are MORE affordable than 5-star dining experiences? A glass of wine costs MORE than iced tea? Thanks, captain obvious!
What REALLY grates on me about her, though, is the "mmm" she gives us after tasting something. Now, I know that the most important part of cooking on TV is the tasting. I recognize that if, say, a chef cooks something on the Today Show and the host running the segment doesn't taste it (and this does happen, amazingly enough), it absolutely won't translate to the viewers and so if they're promoting a cookbook, you can bet it won't sell many copies. In other words, you need that "mmm" to communicate the eating experience and signal to people that, yep, it tastes pretty darn good. That always strikes me as so stupid (if it looks good, won't it sell? Won't you want to eat something that LOOKS tasty since it's on TV?), but the market research and sales figures prove me wrong every. single. time.
But for someone who does NOTHING BUT FOOD TV, you'd think Rachael could manage a "mmm" that's slightly less irritating and slightly more genuine. She seems to have devised a system for the "mmm" which I think I've broken down into the main steps:
1) Close eyes as you raise food to take a bite.
2) Smile while chewing.
3) Open eyes and act surprised.
4) Loudly exclaim "MMMMMM!" as you finish chewing and swallow.
5) Say something appropriately cheesy and annoying, such as "Now, THAT's what I call a good piece of cod!"
Ugh. I've permanently switched to HGTV for the remainder of the day. Or until a good Lifetime movie starts.
In addition to learning more about home decor, I'm also writing thank-you notes, blogging (clearly), and getting ready for the week. Since my roommate is out of town, I'm planning to cook a lot and just luxuriate in having the whole place to myself. I went to the fancy gourmet store many blocks away in anticipation of this, and decided to buy salmon for the week so that I could make the place smell fishy without subjecting my roommate to the lingering odors. I opted for the organic salmon, and when the fishman totaled it, it came to about $20. Ouch. But, it's three meals worth, so that's not SO bad, right? I then bought a ton of other stuff--lemons, pears, cheese (gourmet parmeggiano coming in at a cool $11, but I love good parmesan more that nearly anything else so I splurged), veggies, hummus, a red pepper that wound up costing $2.75. TWO SEVENTY-FIVE. That's ridiculous. In the pepper's defense: it's probably the prettiest one I've ever seen, and it's really big. But still! Then I got coffee ($9 a pound), yogurt (gourmet Greek kind, $5 for a large tub), and other items I needed. As I was checking out, I braced for the total. I knew it would be high, that I was paying a premium for shopping at the fancy store and I had settled on some really big-ticket items, but given the fact I wanted fish and a lot of produce, I wanted to get high-quality stuff and not green beans that make me nauseaus when I look at them like they sell at the cheaper store in my neighborhood. So, the total comes... and it's $48. Which isn't so bad given all I bought and the jacked-up prices at the store. I paid, and headed home, relieved and excited about my purchases.
When I got home and started unpacking, I looked over the receipt to see how it had been so low so that I could replicate this in the future. And even though the lady at the checkout scanned the salmon, it didn't register. I GOT $20 WORTH OF TOP OF THE LINE SALMON FOR FREE. Woo-hoo! I felt guilty for about 5 seconds until the rationalization machine kicked in. I didn't do anything shady to make this happen. She did scan it, it just didn't register for some reason. I wasn't trying to pull a fast one. The store is several blocks away and it's really cold out. It's not my fault and I'm not going all the way back with my receipt and the fish to pay. After some serious back-and-forth, I've settled on this stance. I will take my free fish, and I will not feel guilty about it!
But then, a commercial for President's Day came on, and a picture of Lincoln flashed. And it occured to me that Honest Abe would frown upon my actions, and that it's really disrespectful of me to do this, of all things, on his birthday, of all days.
Thank god it's so freaking cold out that it absolutely rules out my going back. I think it's pretty safe to say Abe wouldn't want my ears to get frostbitten, even if it meant I was doing the (technically) honest and "right" thing here. Right?
The Food Network is running a Rachael Ray marathon. An admission: I cannot stand Rachael Ray. I have many of her cookbooks (get them free through work) but I never look through them, they just sit on a shelf in my office. I find her accent annoying--and normally I really don't mind the long a's at all. I have spent so much of my life in Michigan that I have come to find them endearing and comforting. But Rachael's just gets on my last nerve. I've now watched two episodes of "$40 a Day" and seriously? Her budget tips are so obvious I can't believe she actually got a show with them. "To save money, eat at family-friendly restaurants and don't drink alcohol." Wait, family friendly restaurants are MORE affordable than 5-star dining experiences? A glass of wine costs MORE than iced tea? Thanks, captain obvious!
What REALLY grates on me about her, though, is the "mmm" she gives us after tasting something. Now, I know that the most important part of cooking on TV is the tasting. I recognize that if, say, a chef cooks something on the Today Show and the host running the segment doesn't taste it (and this does happen, amazingly enough), it absolutely won't translate to the viewers and so if they're promoting a cookbook, you can bet it won't sell many copies. In other words, you need that "mmm" to communicate the eating experience and signal to people that, yep, it tastes pretty darn good. That always strikes me as so stupid (if it looks good, won't it sell? Won't you want to eat something that LOOKS tasty since it's on TV?), but the market research and sales figures prove me wrong every. single. time.
But for someone who does NOTHING BUT FOOD TV, you'd think Rachael could manage a "mmm" that's slightly less irritating and slightly more genuine. She seems to have devised a system for the "mmm" which I think I've broken down into the main steps:
1) Close eyes as you raise food to take a bite.
2) Smile while chewing.
3) Open eyes and act surprised.
4) Loudly exclaim "MMMMMM!" as you finish chewing and swallow.
5) Say something appropriately cheesy and annoying, such as "Now, THAT's what I call a good piece of cod!"
Ugh. I've permanently switched to HGTV for the remainder of the day. Or until a good Lifetime movie starts.
In addition to learning more about home decor, I'm also writing thank-you notes, blogging (clearly), and getting ready for the week. Since my roommate is out of town, I'm planning to cook a lot and just luxuriate in having the whole place to myself. I went to the fancy gourmet store many blocks away in anticipation of this, and decided to buy salmon for the week so that I could make the place smell fishy without subjecting my roommate to the lingering odors. I opted for the organic salmon, and when the fishman totaled it, it came to about $20. Ouch. But, it's three meals worth, so that's not SO bad, right? I then bought a ton of other stuff--lemons, pears, cheese (gourmet parmeggiano coming in at a cool $11, but I love good parmesan more that nearly anything else so I splurged), veggies, hummus, a red pepper that wound up costing $2.75. TWO SEVENTY-FIVE. That's ridiculous. In the pepper's defense: it's probably the prettiest one I've ever seen, and it's really big. But still! Then I got coffee ($9 a pound), yogurt (gourmet Greek kind, $5 for a large tub), and other items I needed. As I was checking out, I braced for the total. I knew it would be high, that I was paying a premium for shopping at the fancy store and I had settled on some really big-ticket items, but given the fact I wanted fish and a lot of produce, I wanted to get high-quality stuff and not green beans that make me nauseaus when I look at them like they sell at the cheaper store in my neighborhood. So, the total comes... and it's $48. Which isn't so bad given all I bought and the jacked-up prices at the store. I paid, and headed home, relieved and excited about my purchases.
When I got home and started unpacking, I looked over the receipt to see how it had been so low so that I could replicate this in the future. And even though the lady at the checkout scanned the salmon, it didn't register. I GOT $20 WORTH OF TOP OF THE LINE SALMON FOR FREE. Woo-hoo! I felt guilty for about 5 seconds until the rationalization machine kicked in. I didn't do anything shady to make this happen. She did scan it, it just didn't register for some reason. I wasn't trying to pull a fast one. The store is several blocks away and it's really cold out. It's not my fault and I'm not going all the way back with my receipt and the fish to pay. After some serious back-and-forth, I've settled on this stance. I will take my free fish, and I will not feel guilty about it!
But then, a commercial for President's Day came on, and a picture of Lincoln flashed. And it occured to me that Honest Abe would frown upon my actions, and that it's really disrespectful of me to do this, of all things, on his birthday, of all days.
Thank god it's so freaking cold out that it absolutely rules out my going back. I think it's pretty safe to say Abe wouldn't want my ears to get frostbitten, even if it meant I was doing the (technically) honest and "right" thing here. Right?
This entry was posted
on Monday, February 20, 2006 at 12:48 PM.
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